(This post is LONG and all over the place sorry….therapy Sunday has been moved to Friday apparently!)
One of her red, white and blue outfits…the skirt practically fell off….
First I want to talk about yesterdays post – when I wrote it I was dead set serious. If it had been possible then I would have quit yesterday. But this morning when I reread it I realized it was pretty funny – so don’t worry about laughing along with it even if I never realized I was funny when I was writing it, I do now! Trust me I was NOT trying to be funny, it just happened! My mother in law made a good point tonight though – boy would I miss those cute little faces from last weekend. I can still remember Little Man – his whole face lit up and he practically ran to me Friday night, I am not sure he had ever been happier to see me. He had been asleep when I left in the morning and so he had not seen me for 24 hours and while his sister had woke up the prior night and insisted on sleeping curled up on me he did not so I didn’t get to see him. (She was pretty happy to see me as well but not as happy as he was!)
I have heard from MANY parents of multiples that I am at the worse point of parenting multiples…the toddler years and the terrible twos. More than one stay at home mom to multiples has told me that they too wished they worked during this period – it is ok. Here is where my OCD kicks in though – I am too worried that I am not the “perfect” mother… that they wore the same clothes for two days, that they went a week without a bath, that the toys only got picked up once this week, that one day all they ate was cheerios, that I had not showered all week, that I had not returned an e-mail or phone call all week, or made a decent dinner (hamburger helper does not count in my book). See in my warped mind my kitchen should be spotless, dinner should be on the table and the kids behaving when Aaron walks through the door, the toys picked up when the kids go to bed and all play groups and book readings attended through out the week and not just one trip to the fabric store….
Ok I am about to go into TMI for some here so if you are related – or one of our parents you might want to stop reading — heck you might want to stop reading if you just don’t like TMI — any way I mean Aaron and I have been on ONE date night in 9 months, we have only “played backgammon” (my brother thinks we don’t actually play the game backgammon but well have marital relations every time we talk about playing backgammon – we almost always are really playing backgammon but now playing backgammon has become a joke around here) three times in that nine months (and the last time we woke up a baby so I am scared to do it again), most nights after the babies are in bed we talk and enjoy some time to us BUT I miss being able to just hang out just the two of us and not have to worry about the monitor and crying babies. I mean I would like to “play backgammon” more often as well – but well that does not seem to be happening either. How do you all that are still reading do it? I mean really – while I have never felt closer to Aaron on some levels on others I feel like we could not be further apart…TMI over…I promise!
So see I have an idea of what perfect should be in my book and I am far from it — add to it that the last paying job I had not only preferred perfectionism but often not only demand it but rewarded it. I cannot stop trying to be perfect (which is part of the reason I almost never leave home as we are some sort of a show when we leave – the obviously white woman with two asian babies who appear to be the same age and the 12 million questions that ensue — a post for another day so we must look and act perfect in public which is NOT possible with two toddlers). I think I stress to much over perfect and don’t just let things be enough — in my mind making me a BAD mommy (well that and I lose my patience with one or both of them once in a while and that adds to the BAD mommy feeling)…
I just want to be the good mommy and the perfect wife…but not being either is just stressing me out way too much. Does that make sense?









