An Explanation and some questions…

(This post is LONG and all over the place sorry….therapy Sunday has been moved to Friday apparently!)

One of her red, white and blue outfits…the skirt practically fell off….

First I want to talk about yesterdays post – when I wrote it I was dead set serious. If it had been possible then I would have quit yesterday. But this morning when I reread it I realized it was pretty funny – so don’t worry about laughing along with it even if I never realized I was funny when I was writing it, I do now! Trust me I was NOT trying to be funny, it just happened! My mother in law made a good point tonight though – boy would I miss those cute little faces from last weekend. I can still remember Little Man – his whole face lit up and he practically ran to me Friday night, I am not sure he had ever been happier to see me. He had been asleep when I left in the morning and so he had not seen me for 24 hours and while his sister had woke up the prior night and insisted on sleeping curled up on me he did not so I didn’t get to see him. (She was pretty happy to see me as well but not as happy as he was!)

I have heard from MANY parents of multiples that I am at the worse point of parenting multiples…the toddler years and the terrible twos. More than one stay at home mom to multiples has told me that they too wished they worked during this period – it is ok. Here is where my OCD kicks in though – I am too worried that I am not the “perfect” mother… that they wore the same clothes for two days, that they went a week without a bath, that the toys only got picked up once this week, that one day all they ate was cheerios, that I had not showered all week, that I had not returned an e-mail or phone call all week, or made a decent dinner (hamburger helper does not count in my book). See in my warped mind my kitchen should be spotless, dinner should be on the table and the kids behaving when Aaron walks through the door, the toys picked up when the kids go to bed and all play groups and book readings attended through out the week and not just one trip to the fabric store….

Ok I am about to go into TMI for some here so if you are related – or one of our parents you might want to stop reading — heck you might want to stop reading if you just don’t like TMI — any way I mean Aaron and I have been on ONE date night in 9 months, we have only “played backgammon” (my brother thinks we don’t actually play the game backgammon but well have marital relations every time we talk about playing backgammon – we almost always are really playing backgammon but now playing backgammon has become a joke around here)  three times in that nine months (and the last time we woke up a baby so I am scared to do it again), most nights after the babies are in bed we talk and enjoy some time to us BUT I miss being able to just hang out just the two of us and not have to worry about the monitor and crying babies. I mean I would like to “play backgammon” more often as well – but well that does not seem to be happening either. How do you all that are still reading do it? I mean really – while I have never felt closer to Aaron on some levels on others I feel like we could not be further apart…TMI over…I promise!

So see I have an idea of what perfect should be in my book and I am far from it — add to it that the last paying job I had not only preferred perfectionism but often not only demand it but rewarded it. I cannot stop trying to be perfect (which is part of the reason I almost never leave home as we are some sort of a show when we leave – the obviously white woman with two asian babies who appear to be the same age and the 12 million questions that ensue — a post for another day so we must look and act perfect in public which is NOT possible with two toddlers). I think I stress to much over perfect and don’t just let things be enough — in my mind making me a BAD mommy (well that and I lose my patience with one or both of them once in a while and that adds to the BAD mommy feeling)…

I just want to be the good mommy and the perfect wife…but not being either is just stressing me out way too much. Does that make sense?

I Quit….

(Inside the lego bin when he was supposed to be in bed)

Is it possible for a stay at home mom to quit because if so today I quit…I am done. I am turning in my letter of resignation:

Dear Head of Household:

Thank you for the opportunity to serve this household but effective immediately I resign. When I started this position, I expected it to be temporary and therefore I was able to deal with the dirty diapers, the tantrums, and the mayhem. When the position became permanent, I started to enjoy the teaching of new things to the little people and the playing that occurred. Of late though, the tantrums have returned accompanied by whining and screeching at the top of ones lung and unfortunately it is not my lungs. The new “tricks” they have learned have led to me trying to run two directions at once and I must state that is an impossible task. And while their laughs are very cute and happen throughout the day, those moments are rare and usually followed by a grunt of some sort indicating that some item is desired, though it is rare that the object of desire is made known to anyone other than the child wanting the item. Also, while I feed them no less than five times a day, each of them feels the need to try to find food on the floor or worse yet eat the toys I have offered them.  And while I am pretty experienced in the diaper department – of late I have discovered more than one diaper that is only half on and soiled, only by the grace of God have I prevented that from being dragged all over the house. Recently the two of them have began to climb anything they can lift their little legs up to. They have become quite good at it and have been found standing on on many items they should not be standing on as they could fall and hurt themselves. One of the two children will cry if he just hears the word NO – all you have to do is say No and not even be talking to him and he will burst out in tears. This also happens if you look at him wrong in his mind. And finally – I have not slept through the night in months one or both of them are up at least once usually for at least a few hours. While I am not usually in need of a lot of sleep I do like it to come all at once.

I would be happy to refill this position once these items have been taken care of. Thank you for this opportunity.

Sincerely,

Carissa

The good and the bad…

On May 22nd I entered Aaron in the Kodak Father of the Year Contest (I am comment #18)over at 5 Minutes for Mom and pretty much forgot about it as the first part of the contest didn’t end until Father’s Day.  I remember thinking in the last week that I was pretty sure we didn’t get in the top ten – I was disappointed but I had not mentioned it to Aaron so he was none the wiser. Tonight as he walked through the door from work I got the e-mail saying he was one of the 10 finalists!!! WHAT….the kids were napping and I told him what I did…read him the comment and told him about the trip he could win. He was shocked but apparently not as shocked as when I said – you can take your dad or you brother. His immediate response was if I win I am taking you (and the kids) why would I not!!! So he won a pocket video camera of his own (though he says it is mine as I entered him) and tonight they posted the post about the Finalists…there was my name again — really I cannot believe it! I KNOW he is Father of the Year BUT now everyone else is going to see as well! (Oh yeah feel free to congratulate him and read the comment BUT the comment has their names in it and so keep it to Little Man and Little Princess here! THANKS!!!!)

So here are some pictures of Aaron and the kids:

Ok on to what I was really going to talk about today:

Today I read this story about a Mom who left her 2 year old twins in the car while she shopped at Costco. I have to admit my first thought was not wow what a bad mom but about how she had to have been at her wits end. I don’t know the woman but after reading the article I read that one of the twins is even special needs (has down’s syndrome) and if you look at the picture she does not look like she is at her best. The kids were unharmed and she had even left the car running. This mom needs some help in my opinion – not scorn (at least from what I read). I can tell you right now that yesterday I spent a very good portion of my day chasing down my kids and keeping them out of trouble and that was at home – I have errands I want to run today but I always have to think in my head how important the errand is as you have no idea what it takes to get them both ready, out the door, into the car, to the store (or stores) to run the errands and then back home. I have never considered leaving them in the car but have not run errands because the thought of pulling out the double stroller for the 10 minutes it would take to run the errand was too much. Aaron get upset with me because I ask him to run the “quick” errands that would take me half an hour and him ten minutes – because I have to deal with the twins and the stroller – he just can run in and do it. He really just wants to get home to see them and me. Then we have the special needs aspect of this story – I am there as well. My kids have ZERO words to help tell me what they want, if I am lucky they have the sign (I am trying) and they will use that. I am giving this woman the benefit of the doubt that she had just finally reached her breaking point…I have been at that point before but fortunately while I am at home and can safely contain the kids and get beyond it.

So today I ask you really I am begging you – if you know a mother who has twin (or triplet or more) children find a way to help her one day even if it is running one simple errand for her while you are running your errands…she will appreciate it so much AND you just may be what gets her through that day! (Heck even with one kid the errands can be overwhelming – help ANY mom you know and Mom’s help each other!)

P.S. This will be my topic on Multiple Moments next week — getting overwhelmed and what to do when it happens because it will happen! And I am just that far behind on e-mails and reading blog posts so sorry in advance!

My first e-book…

(This is the promotional bit from the first e-book I contributed to!!! I am SOOOOOO excited! It is $9.95 and has things from LOTS of countries including Vietnam…also $1.00 from EVERY sale will go to the New Day Foster Home in China…check it out and buy a copy or two!)

Traditionally, a culture camp brings together adopted children from around the world so they can share their experiences with each other. Some camps offer sleep away camp settings while others only offer day camps.

Children and adults learn about culture, history, adoption heritage, and intolerance and character. Most culture camps enrich cultural literacy include physical activities, world music and crafts.  By nature they accommodate different learning styles.

But what happens when your children are just too young to attend a culture camp and are seriously interested in learning about their culture or making friends from the same region or orphanage?

Perhaps your child yearns to know children who “look like them” because they are the only child in their class with dark skin or Asian eyes. This is still common in today’s society no matter how much we try to pretend it is not.

How do you integrate culture into your children’s lives when they don’t want to have anything to do with it? Do you sneak it in with fantastic cooking? Do you read great literature with them? Or do you make them sit down and learn about their history?

We have just the solution for you. Introducing a new resource for adoptive parents: a Culture Camp for Kids; What to do when they can’t do (or they don’t want to)

This e-Book features countless activities suitable for young children from around the world. Once your focus is determined, it’s time to gather supplies. A trip to the library should yield plenty of books (and we have also supplied a fabulous list in our Literature Section).

To purchase a copy of Culture Camp for Kids click HERE ….or e-mail me and I will tell you EXACTLY where to go!

Can you tell I am excited?????

I am in trouble…BIG trouble!

Don’t you just LOVE this smile??? I do

When I asked him to smile…this is what I got

I don’t know how many of you reading have multiples but today I had an ahhh-ha moment that I am not sure I really wanted to have. See I have been using my kids to show each other the great things they can learn from each other all the time like Little Man enticed Little Princess to walk and I encouraged that and Little Princess entices Little Man to use his signs and life will be easier. They both entice each other to talk and laugh! All that was grand…and I was loving it until today. Today that beautiful amazing picture came crashing to the floor – and shattered to reveal the true picture!

This morning they taught each other how to use the doggy stairs to get to what they want…yep they climb them and get to where they would like. Oh yeah and they learned how to use the cute little bee cars to climb as well. My kids have NEVER been climbers — well I figured Little Princess would be someday but I never would have guessed her brother would have taught her the ins and outs. And I can move them away from the danger, tell them no, etc and they literally LAUGH at me and keep go right back. How long do I have before they climb out of their cribs?

I realized as I moved them away from the danger zone for the millionth time that they were not only going to teach each other the good things like oh say walking and talking BUT the bad things as well. Really? Why had this though never crossed my mind before?

Oh yeah and right now as I type – they are upstairs carrying on their own conversation, probably deciding what to learn next to send mom to the crazy house, instead of taking a nap!

So it is night now — and I decided not to pick a battle tonight. Little Princess wanted to go to bed with HER book — you know I Love You Through and Through. Seriously, don’t you think that would be uncomfortable? I did BUT I was tired they had me running all over the house today and I decided that she could sleep with the book if she wanted. As soon as I knew she was asleep I went up to check on her and literally she was clutching the book…I had to take it away BUT I kept it in the crib at the end. Really people, what am I going to do – the girl wants to sleep with a BOOK? She could so be my daughter — I used to sneak read books at night and something says I will be stopping her and Little Man from doing the same Part of me hopes that I get to home school these great minds

Little Man playing cars!

Little Princess taking care of her baby!

One of her favorite toys – I got this one for 50 cents at a garage sale

Searching for just the right legos in the lego bin!

On the phone – he LOVES his phones and will bring them to you like they are for you!

Ok so she LOVES peek a boo and her new thing is ONLY one hand and watching you with the other to be sure you are still playing! (She did not like playing with me when I had the camera in front of my face…)

He carries these two balls around and will just drop them to see where they go…balls and cars.

Not as bad as I thought…

I had not been looking forward to yesterday at all – not since March when Pastor Fred was killed. I more or less let it go and didn’t grieve like I should have. I LOVED seeing all of my friends and introducing the kids but I hated introducing them to Cindy (Fred’s wife) and knowing that I could not introduce them to Fred or looking up to where the baptism took place and not seeing Fred and laughing about the hip weighters he wore during baptisms or hearing his stories before he would preach or seeing him worshiping. I have to admit I cried during the service and again after the service, the world really is without one great person.

After church my friends Roger and Alice came with Aaron and I and the kids to the zoo. Unfortunately after the morning I had and I had forgotten to take my anxiety medication for the last three days poor Aaron got yelled at for everything even if it was not really his fault. I needed to be upset…he took it well though and for the most part the St. Louis Zoo was a HUGE hit! At the end Little Princess was a bit tired and wanted NOTHING to do with the sea lion show but Little Man liked it! And they loved the penguins and puffins!

Then I had my stuffed mushrooms at my favorite restaurant on the Illinois side of the restaurant – oh lord if I had to live next to there I would be as big as a house as all I would eat is these mushrooms. They are supposed to be an appetizer but I eat them as a meal and god help the person who tries to eat any of my mushrooms.

We didn’t get home until pretty late but the best part of my day was when I went to put Little Princess in bed. I thought she was going to jump into her bed. She had never been happier to see her bed…neither had I BUT I didn’t jump into my bed!

So yesterday I wrote about a “book” I was starting for my kids….I am starting it as a blog — I set it up today. I already have over 30 posts started. The premise of the blog is lessons I want them to learn or things I want to tell them someday — you know like no matter what Mommy loves you, do judge etc…so each day will have a theme. I don’t want to do it here because when I am done I want to have it bound into a book for them. So we have Life Lessons from Mommy a new blog that I will be writing at! Check it out — I may write there a lot and maybe just once a week…not sure yet.

Finally tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. central time we will have the next Multiple Moments show on MomTv!!!! Also tomorrow is all about Little Man and Little Princess… and their weekend!

A book written on my heart…

This last weekend I went to the Women of Faith conference in St. Louis, MO and as always I love it. There is something about this conference that has me every year except last year. I have cried like a baby every year but last year (for some reason last year I was a bit disconnected and I didn’t take anything away from the conference). On Friday a woman who I have looked up to for many years not only sang but she spoke – Sandi Patty. She talked about the things in her past that held her back and what caused her problems but what she said that got to me was that she knew God had written a song on her heart and for some time she didn’t hear that song but now she is starting to again. She sang a song that hit home with me….You Set Me Free about how God set her free! I loved it.

 

Anyway I thought about what she said and I think that I have always had a book written on my heart and I want to write that book, someday. As I listened to the rest of the speakers I took away more and more…the theme for the conference was A Grand New Day and I feel like I have a grand new day waiting for me everyday…Friday night thought I had the most amazingly good cry – Steven Curtis Chapman spoke and cried and sang and I cried and cried…I started crying when he sang One Heartbeat at A Time — and talked about how he wrote it and why. The song touched me so much here is the video from You Tube:

Then he sang Cinderella and When Love Takes You In – by the time he was done with the stories and the song I could not see through the tears. I had got to meet him earlier in the evening during sound check but could only say “Hello” – what else was I supposed to say when I was so star struck. I knew after listen to him talk about his story and losing his precious daughter I needed to write something to and for my children. I left the conference that night with a renewed heart and praying I could see my kids awake even though it was 11 p.m. oh how I missed them…they were awake and smiled so big when they saw me…Little Man ran to me with the best smile! I smiled until I fell asleep!

The next day I listed to so many speakers – Marilyn Meburg and her talk about what to do when the roof caves in or at least feels like it is, once again I learned. Then I heard Lisa Welchel talk about how she needed an “Emmitt” – a friend who was there for her through it all and how she found one at Women of Faith one year before she was a speaker. She needed someone to count on, lend an ear, an extra tear, a good joke or an honest opinion and I though that I used to pray about finding an Emmitt but God blessed me and sent me TWO — Alison, who is absolutely amazing and will be gone much of the month of July and Nicki, who recently has become an amazing friend who can make me laugh even at the worst of times…I just wish I could see her in real life! I just pray now that I am someone’s Emmitt — I would love to be someone’s Emmitt! Oh lord and Mandisa brought the house down! That girl has the BEST voice I have heard – now if I could just get her and Sandi Patty to sing together…hmmmm Patsy Clairmont had us all laughing so hard that we were crying and then by the end had us actually crying talking about spending time with the fireflies of life – and how sometimes they just go out too fast. Oh and they talked about my beloved church that lost their pastor – more about that tomorrow (I was there today but the pain is too fresh to write about it today).

I am so happy I was able to volunteer and get the inspiration for my “book” for my babies. How I could see what I was supposed to do. I promise more about that in my next post. I feel amazing and my God connection is so good right now! On Tuesday I will write about what Little Man and Little Princess did while I was at the conference but I hear they were amazing and did some really neat things (I am still sorting through the pictures and video and want to make sure I post the best!)

Look for more from me soon….