I need some help March 4, 2008
Posted by Carissa in South Korea, Vietnam.Tags: Korea, Vietnam
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So I have a question I cannot seem to answer but maybe you guys can…why can’t I let go of Vietnam and move on to learn about Korea? See I have been attached to Vietnam since I learned they were open to adoptions. Vietnam has always been an important part of my life. I can still remember the day Binh and Thai walked into my second grade class (Thai would later move up a grade). I remember the fight one of my best friends and I had about showing Binh around…we both wanted to do it. I recall the excitement when I learned she lived across the street and my initial fascination with Vietnam, all of Binh’s siblings (until recently I thought she was only one of six but I recently learned that number was much higher as her dad had other wives - but she is still the youngest over all), I was totally obsessed with the food her mom cooked (actually she would say I still am - oh wow it was absolutely amazing and I still beg when possible to get some of that food) and there were so many other aspects. When we told Binh (and her family) that we were adopting from Vietnam I absolutely LOVED their reaction! I could not have asked for more supportive people - and offers to travel with us among other things could not have been more appreciated by Aaron and I. I knew all about the country, the culture and I knew the most amazing family to be there to show my children about their heritage and culture! But when we switched to South Korea I lost every ounce of that - I lost everyone I knew and the comfort and familiarity of the whole thing. I have to start from scratch and this time with no one to show me the way and teach me as I go. I lose years and years of experience with a culture. I really do want all those things with South Korea but now I feel overwhelmed and wonder where to begin. I have started reading about Korea and the past and the culture. I am so excited about the first birthday party as it is so similar to what Binh did for her son so I feel like I am a tad bit ahead on that one. So I know that there are people out there who can help me - so I am now begging, please I want to know South Korea like I do Vietnam - so please someone any one help me!!!!! (Oh yeah and I can help hook anyone who would like up with some sweet Vietnam info - Binh and her family are amazing and still go back to Vietnam all the time.)
It’ll take some time to become passionate about SK, but I’m sure you’ll be just fine. I can imagine that it’s hard, though. I’m half Vietnamese…the thought of a shutdown makes me sick to my stomach. To embrace another country, in my situation would be difficult. I have Vietnamese family who plan to travel with me and Vietnamese family to meet once I’m there. You can say this adoption would be a full circle journey for me as I learn more about my heritage/culture.
Anyway, be patient with yourself. You’ll grow to love the South Korea, simply because your child is there.
I can’t help you with SK, but I can make you realize this…. those overwhelming feelings of starting from scratch….. would they be the same feelings when you decided to adopt internationally in the first place? I am assuming that Vietnamese at one time was completely unfamiliar to you as well. The joy will come. Feel where your heart is drawing you to…. then start your research. And then share with us!!!! I would love to here about some of the differences between VT and SK. Best wishes….
You have some pretty amazing reasons to have been attached to Vietnam - and as I think you yourself have said, perhaps someday you will still adopt from there. As someone who has made several major shifts in my path to become a mom, I will tell you that I do think it will all come in time. My heart still yearns for my baby boy from Guatemala, the first program I pursued. Truth be told, it took me quite a while to warm up to VN because I’d been immersed in Guatemala and then Nepal for some time - and now I ended up going domestic! I have a feeling you will be so immersed and embracing SK soon, I’m not worried! I bet VN will continue to have a special place in your heart, but SK absolutely will too.
I don’t know much about SK, but I just wanted you to know that I agree that would be really hard to make the switch with all of your connections. It will come.
I’ll bet you’re going to adopt your next child from Vietnam! So you don’t really have to let it go…Until then, embrace South Korea. Everyone is different. We were initially going to adopt from Colombia (we had in-laws in Bogota)–but I secretly wanted Korea and didn’t insist. Then, Colombia shut down and my husband finally agreed to Korea. I was ELATED. It was then that I truly felt like I was expecting. Go have some Bee Bim Bop. Buy some celadon. Start listening to Korean language tapes. IMAGINE going to baggage claim (ugh-for the old days), and seeing your child for the very first time. Every time I play our video of that day over, I cry and cry. I’ll stop now. Good luck
I feel some of what you do. I had orginally had my heart set on China. But because of my husbands medical issues, our social worker didn’t think it was the best match for us. I read all abotu China and loved the lady bug symbol for adoption. My grandmom’s favorite thing was lady bugs and I thought that it was definitely a sign. But the more I learn about Korea, the more I realize it is right for us. The travel time is short and with three young boys I am not sure I could be gone for weeks - and not just because I would miss them. The problem would be the logistics of getting everyone to school and picked up and lunches etc. And someone to keep them for that long. My middle son started pre-school this year and he best friend - a little boy adopted from Korea three years ago! A new doctor in our family practice - he and his wife are from Korea and have three daughters. He has offered anything I need to know about culture and raising a Korean girl! Those things got me so excited and I realized that with other factors - medical care, medical history, foster care etc. that Korea was not only the best fit for us - but the only! I have ordered books and language cd’s and we aren’t even done our homestudy paperwork yet. I hope to have the packet submitted in the next few weeks, so we won’t be too far behind you with a referral. I figure late next winter if the timelines stay the same! I have ot get on the ball too!
You need to go through a greiving process and then you’ll be ready for Korea. The more you move forward by blogging about it, researching, studying all things Korea, you’ll get just as excited about it.
Trust me.
I wish I had some great advice for you. I think the more you study and get familiar with SK it will start to grow in your heart. Maybe you can reach out to your community and see if their are any SK families?It is only fair to give yourself time to grieve especially over something you have had your heart set on for so long.